Part 19

its not long before my stay with the Cullens pays off. major drama!

Emmett lies seething before me on the couch (the couch's legs are bending dangerously under Emmett's immense weight).

"i hate Rose. after that tree incident, my Xbox has never been the same. look! the wires and cables are all frayed!" he sulks.

"aw Em. let it go."

"NO! i will not let it go!" his face darkens. "i'll get her back for this, you see if i don't. i'll do something so awful she'll never try anything on me again!" i really don't like the sound of that! before i can protest Emmett cuts me off. "its no use trying to impose your goody-two-shoes ways on me. so shut it." this really insults me. "well if you think im of no use here, then i'll leave." i stalk out of the room as dramaically as possible.

i stomp as loudly as possible to the kitchen. Esme smiles at me from behind the fridge which she is restocking with food for Bella and i. "hey, would you mind taking this laundry to Rosalie? its hers. ask her to put it away, ok?" glad of being given something to do, i eagerly grab the basket of designer clothes and totter upstairs.

by the time i reach Rosalie's room my arms are aching. the basket is heavier than i thought. i put down the basket and stretch out each arm. remembering that Rosalie is still furious about her BMW's tires, i knock on the closed door as quietly as possible.

the door is immediately flung open. "EMMETT! GET LOS....oh! its you! come on in. oh are those my clothes? thanks." i hand over the basket of clothes to Rosalie. i plonk myself down on the quilted bed and massage my arms. "oooh! this is a really nice room!" i comment. the room is tastefully furnished, simple yet elegant. so like Rosalie.

as Rosalie puts away her clothes in her enormous wardrobe, my eyes wander around the room. i recognise the shoe cupboard from that eventful day. however, there is an addition to the cupboard. perched atop the cupboard on a large cushion is a Monolo pump (singular) splattered with grey paint. its broken heel lies beside it. with the flowers placed before the shoe (as an offering perhaps?), this display reminds me vaguely of a funeral altar.

"hey Rose. is that the shoe? you know...." i feel slightly nervous. Rosalie has yet to get over the loss of her beloved Manolos. Rosalie stops putting away clothes, her lovely face clouds over. "yeah, thats the one. man Emmett makes me so mad! i promise you, one day i will do something so horrible to him he won't forget it!" Rosalie is now shaking with suppressed fury. this is my cue to leave so i tiptoe as quietly as possible out of the room, taking care not to slam the door.

the rest of the morning passes rather uneventfully. Esme and Carlisle leave to attend a medical conference for the day. Rosalie goes out shopping. as i have been "exiled" from the offending parties' rooms, i have to sit in the living room feeling extremely bored. so Bella plays a game of checkers with me (i win) and Edward teaches me how to play the E flat scale properly on the piano.

he is in the middle of playing a song for Bella when suddenly, his hand hovers in mid air above the keys. looking nervous, he sniffs the air. "Bella, baby, do you smell that?" "smell what?" Edward looks extremely nervous. "smoke..." he murmurs. with that he hoists Bella and i roughly onto his shoulders and speeds into the garden.

Alice and Jasper are already there, staring. in the middle of the vast green lawn is a enormous bonfire. Emmett stands beside it looking extremely pleased with himself. to my horror, i notice a large wardrobe smouldering in the fire, the flames licking gleefully at the wooden doors and the contents of the wardrobe....then it dawns on me.

its Rosalie's wardrobe.

before i can scream, Rosalie walks into the garden (she couldn't drive to the shopping centre because her cars keys were confiscated, remember? so she had to WALK). her sharp eyes spot the huge, smoking fire and the burning wardrobe. her eyes widen and she gives a terrible scream. without hesitating, Rosalie dashes into the flames trying to salvage the charred remains of the wardrobe. when she realises this is futile (its almost all ash now!), she turns on Emmett. hurling abuse at him, she chases him around the garden(and bemoaning the loss of her Armani, Yves Saint Laurent, Chanel and Prada clothes).

suddenly, Rosalie stops running . after a split second of thought, she abruptly changes direction and dashes into the house and emerges with the Jeeps extra key (Esme keeps them in a box on her desk). within miliseconds, Rosalie has emptied the water from Emmett's Jeep's radiator. then she hops into the driver's seat and starts the engine noisily. Emmett screams and lunges towards his Jeep but it's too late, Rosalie has driven off at maximum speed.

(*author's note: just FYI, the radiator is part of the car's engine that keeps the engine cool using water. empty the water out and the engine may just overheat and....)

Emmett gives a terrible wail and starts running after his Jeep. however, with the Jeep doing a good 320 kmph (Emmett had the engine altered) not even his vampire speed can keep up. "QUICK! we are NOT missing any of this!" Alice exclaims, hustling the rest of us into her SUV. sitting in the backseat, i make sure to buckle up properly. vampire driving isn't very safe. the SUV's engine roars to a start and we set off.

we tail Rosalie for a while (it is immensely difficult to keep up with her sharp turns and beating of traffic lights). then Edward yells, "OH NO! she's headed for the abandoned quarry!" (*author's note: there are no abandoned quarries in Singapore but there ARE quarries. its like a huge rocky hole where you um...get rocks and stuff) "you sure? right! i know a shortcut!" Alice makes an illegal U-turn and speeds off in the opposite direction.

the SUV skids to a halt beside the quarry. Edward jumps out of the car and runs off to try and calm Rosalie (she hadn't reached yet). the rest of us fidget nervously beside the quarry edge and Alice phone's Carlisle. suddenly, a Jeep's roar is heard and Emmett's Jeep comes speeding towards the quarry's edge. Emmett and Edward are close behind. "STOP THE JEEP!" Edward yells at Alice and Jasper. but even a vampire's super strength cannot stop a speeding Jeep.

Alice and Jasper hustle Bella and i out of the way just in time. the Jeep roars over the quarry's edge. Rosalie jumps out of the sun roof just before it falls off the edge, smashing into the large boulder's in its path. suddenly, the Jeep's engine overheats so much it explodes, leaving a gaping hole in the bonnet. Emmett screams and hurtles down the quarry. just before the Jeep crashes into the rock solid ground, Emmett grabs its fender and hoists it back up the quarry wall.

the Jeep is damaged beyond recognition. its doors are dented and scratched and its wheels are deflated. not to mention there is a hole where the engine used to be. Emmett gapes at the Jeep for minute before he turns on Rosalie. the two antagonists immediately start hurling abuse at each other. soon they are rolling on the ground trying to kill each other. Edward, Jasper and Alice are yelling at them to stop while Bella and i can only stare on helplessly.

nobody notices that a black Mercedes has pulled up beside Alice's SUV. Carlisle and Esme step out. "ENOUGH!" Carlisle bellows at Rosalie and Emmett. that makes them stop. "i cannot tell you how disappointed i am in the both of you! you will be stripped of all your privileges for a month till Esme and i can think up a punishment severe enough. right now, EVERYBODY INTO THE SUV." "but my Jeep...." "Emmett i will call a tow truck to pick it up later. get. in. the. SUV. NOW! and not a word from either of you! Edward, please send Joy and Bella home in my Mercedes." i glance sadly at Emmett and Rosalie's downcast, grimy faces forone last time before Bella leads me away to Carlisle's Mercedes.

THE END! hope you liked it? many thanks to Rachel, who helped me think up the main plot. since school starts tomorrow, my fan fic may not be updated very often but i promise to write when i can! happy New Year!

Part 18

okay time to get up, i think. full of resolve for the new day, i open my eyes ready to spring out of bed. to my shock a pair of eyes stare back and someone yells "YOU'RE AWAKE!" into my face.

i scream and tumble out of the sofa i was sleeping on. thump. ow. "EMMETT! don't do that!" but im in no mood to argue so i stumble to the bathroom to change and later scrounge together some breakfast for myself.

after another bizarre breakfast of frozen pizza and jam toast, Emmett wants to play Ravin Rabids. "i waited all night for you to play with me! go on, you love Rabids!" i must admit, kicking Emmett's butt (playing Bunnies Love To Dance) in retaliation for this morning is tempting.

so i lounge lazily on the couch admiring an embroidered cushion while Emmett sets up the Xbox. suddenly i hear a strangled whimper and quickly sit up. Emmett is surrounded by smashed CDs. "my...my...Xbox games!" is all he can stutter. then he rears back his head and roars so loud the foundations of the house tremble. "ROSE!" all the Cullens hurry down to the living room.

seeing the glittering remnants of Xbox games, the Cullens grasp the situation immediately. Emmett turns on Rosalie. "ROSE! did you do this?!" Rosalie smirks. "well Emmett, i needed a reflector for my bike...." Rosalie has a bike!? "...and this show i watched said old CDs are just perfect for bike reflectors so..." Rosalie leaves the last sentece unfinished.

Emmett gives a howl off fury and would have flung himself at Rosalie had Jasper and Edward not restrained him. "my Call of Duty! my Halo! my Dead or Alive! MY NEED FOR SPEED WAS LIMITED EDITION!" he bellows. Roslie crosses her arms and smirks. "an eye for an eye Em! after all, my Manolos were limited edition too!"

Carlisle has already left for the hospital (he works there as a doctor) so Esme is left to sort this out. "Roslaie, keys. thanks you. no driving till futher notice. i cannot believe you would do something like this. you will give Emmett more money to buy new games."

now its Rosalie's turn to go beserk. "NO! I WILL NOT! he didn't compensate me for my shoes!" "he offered to and you threatened to kill him. no more aruguments. Rose, go the the west wing of the house. Emmett, the east. if the both of you go anywhere near each other and start fighting again, i will make sure you will not drive for at least 50 years."

Rosalie shoots a withering glare at Emmett and stalks off, head held high. Emmett pauses to pick up the remnants of his games and cradles them to his room. i decide to follow him.

once the CD pieces are lain out on the couch in his room, Emmett sinks into a swivel chair and stares dismally at them. seeing his downcast face, i feel a little sorry for him. "cheer up, Em! there's a new Burnout game coming to stores next week. you'll like that one!" Emmett brightens up a little. "YEAH! i love Burnout!" then his face darkens again. "but Rose isn't gonna get away with this. i'll pay her back."

"Emmett, Esme said no more fighting." "this isn't fighting. its payback. look, stay out of this. your human reflexes are useless, you'd just make me mess up" feeling a little insulted, i have no choice but to stay in Emmett's room. oh well. at least i wouldn't be associated with any of the crimes that were to follow!

for the next few days, strange happenings took place in the Cullen's house. first, all of Roslaie's handbags were filled with cream cheese (she had to throw out her Prada handbag in the end). then all of Emmett's shirts were dyed hot pink. then Rosalie's BMW's tyres were slashed with the words "YOU SUCK". then Emmett's Xbox was dangled from a tree (it's wires were roped around the topmost branches).

i am quite excited to see what will happen next.

to be continued....

Part 17

i knew drama was enfolding and i didn't want to miss a second of it. so i phoned home and said i'd be staying the night with the Cullens. unfortunately, seeing that the Cullens stock minimal human food in their fridge, i have to eat a strange assortment of canned soup, Froot Loops and Doritos for dinner. oh well. small price to pay for being able to be in on all the drama.

the rest of the afternoon and evening was spent by Emmett trying to get Rosalie to forgive him.

first the remorseful approach....
"Rose im really sorry i'll never.."
"save it Emmett."

then the exchange approach....
"what if i bought you a new pair of shoes? Jimmy Choo, promise."
"THOSE WERE LIMITED EDITION AND IF I HEAR YOU SAY SHOES AGAIN I WILL MURDER YOU!"

then the desperate approach...
"Rosie PLEASE! im BEGGING YOU!" *gets down on his knees and latches onto Rosalie's leg.
"get off me Emmett! come within 5 feet of me and i'll personally see to it that your Jeep is destroyed."

and with that Rosalie storms upstairs and Emmett is left whimpering in the same spot. this pitiful display of remorse moves most of the humans and vampires present. Alice evens offers (generously) to go shopping with him for new Manolos with her box of credit cards. still, nothing can cheer up Emmett. in the end Jasper has to play Xbox games with him to avoid a flood of tears (if vampires could cry!).

left to my own devices, i decide to practise my scales on Edward's piano. E flat minor. but my scales are so bad Edward eventually asks me who im trying to kill. then i admit defeat. i wander up to Jasper's room to watch the video games but complain that im dying of boredom so often that he chucks a book ("Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire") at me and tells me to pipe down.

despite the desire to not miss one second of the drama, by 10.15pm i start feeling drowsy. as Bella takes Esme's queen-size bed, i have to sleep on the couch in Emmett's room (its the biggest one in the house and almost the size of a bed). im so tired after the day's excitement that im asleep before my head hits the pillows.

THE END...don't worry...there'll be more drama and mayhem tomorrow!

Part 16

"Emmett i think this is a bad idea."

"nonsense. shut up."

today i was enjoying a relaxing show with Emmett at my place. in the show, a guy was teaching us all the cool stuff you can do with recycled materials. so then he used a pair of old heeled pumps to create a rhinoceros pen holder by snapping off the heel to paste on the tip of the shoe as the horn.

the Emmett decides he wants to do the exact same thing. i am rushed to the Cullen house to find suitable art materials.

the glue, cardboard and paints we found no problem. the only thing left was the shoe. but where could we get heeled pumps? Alice only wears ballet flats, Esme heeled sandals and Bella wears sneakers. where could we find heeled pumps?

Rosalie.

so now we're sitting in front of Rosalie's shoe cabinet, looking for a suitable shoe. Emmett decides her Manolo limited edition pumps are just perfect.

"Emmett i really don't think Rosalie wants you to chop the heels off her Manolos to make a pen holder."

"pipe down already. Rose has a billion shoes. she won't notice one's missing."

"the show specified RECYCLED materials."

"you're a pest. shut UP already."

helpless, i can only watch Emmett snap off the shoe's heel and splash on uneven blotches of grey paint.

he is gluing on the google eyes when Rosalie silently enters the room. "hey Emmett! whats up?" Emmett jumps a mile high and tries to hide the shoe (or should i say, pen holder?) behind his back. "h-hey Rose! n-nothing at all!" he stutters in a falsely cheery voice. Rosalie frowns, sensing something is amiss. "whats that you have there?" lightning quick, her hand flicks out and grabs the shoe.

horror flashes across her face and is quickly replaced with fury. her voice quivering with rage, Rosalie asks, "Em, is this one of my Manolos?" Emmett, shaking like a leaf, can only nod.

the minute the destruction of Rosalie's shoe is confirmed, hell breaks loose in the room. grabbing the broken off heel, Rosalie attemps to stab Emmett. "THAT-WAS-LIMITED-EDITION! WHAT-HAVE-YOU-DONE!?" each word is punctuated by a violent stab.

by now, the rest of the Cullens have gathered to watch the drama. Edward and Jasper grab Rosalie's arms and try to restrain her. "ROSE! stop stabbing him! calm down!" "NO! that stinking...JASPER! GIVE ME THAT HEEL!" finally Carlisle steps in. when Rosalie is finally subdued, he turns to Emmett.

"Emmett. you have just destroyed a good pair of shoes. what do you have to say to Rose?" "Rosie i am really sorry i didn't..." Rosalie clamps her hands over her ears. "you vile pond scum. i will never forgive you as long as i live!" with that, Rosalie stalks out of the room dramatically. Carlisle isn't finished with Emmett. "Emmett, hand over your Jeep keys....thank you....no driving till further notice."

Carlisle and Esme leave to collect some household groceries and buy new shoes to pacify Rosalie. Alice leaves to comfort Rosalie. Jasper, Edward and i are left with Emmett. i feel this is not a good time to say "you stupid vampire i TOLD you not to use Rose's heels". instead i pat his arm soothingly, like the good saint i am.

"i didn't think she'd see..."

"Emmett, you don't think, period," Jasper excalims in exasperation.

Edward frowns. "i don't think Rosalie's gonna take this lying down. this isn't over."

seeing Emmett's dismal face and thinking of the punishments Rosalie could think up for him, i feel more sorry for Emmett than ever.

*to be continued.....

Part 15

"YAY! I TOTALLY LOVE SWIMMING!"

the Cullens have just installed a swimming pool to their sprawling estate. wow, life is good when you have a tonne of cash and eternity before you!

Alice had bought me a pink (major gross factor!) bikini but i stoutly refused and put on my own one-piece instead. when im changed, Carlisle calls, "hey guys! the pool's filled!" all the vampires rush outside with whoops of glee, leaving me and Bella to walk slowly (at our annoyingly slow human speed) to the pool.

at the pool, Emmett is tackling Jasper with a water noodle (its those long floating pieces of foam that kids love to play with). their wrestling match is causing a mini tsunami in the pool. Alice and Rosalie stare after them disdainfully and sun tan by the pool. Edward appears at the door with a large radio on his shoulder and music starts blasting from the speakers.

"Edward! if you want to have music, put it on the stereo system. the radio could fall in and electrocute Joy and Bella!" Esme calls out reproachfully. golly, i hadn't thought of that.

i canonball into the pool. it is futile to try swimming laps so i float happily on a water noodle. suddenlly Emmett tackles me. "GRR-ROAR! IM THE MONSTER OF THE DEEP!" with a scream i am plunged underwater and pinned under his massive body weight.

vampires must be very dense because instead of floating upwards, Emmett stays at the bottom of the pool, pinning me below him. i struggle but its like fighting a wall. my lungs are starting to burn and stars float before my eyes.

just before i black out, Emmett is pushed off me and i struggle to the surface to breathe. Carlisle is yelling at Emmett. "...totally unresponsible....could have drowned....banned from Jeep...." once i stopped spluttering, Emmett apologises looking very remorseful. "im really sorry i did that. i will never attack you or any other weak human again!" though not exactly a comforting apology, i assure him that i am fine. all is forgiven.

the rest of the day is spent playing Water Marco Polo. Bella and i keep losing because the vampires can hear our hearts beating. talk about unfair. still, the Cullens were noticeably more gentle towards Bella and i.

by the time its dark, Bella and i are a shade darker than we were, but the Cullens are the same albino white. Alice and Rosalie look quite crestfallen. all their tanning was in vain. Bella cooks me dinner and Carlisle drives me home.

Part 14

after much argument and chaos, the house is finally decorated. it looked great (although Emmett has insisted on plugging the lights into the Jeep's batteries when Carlisle wasn't looking).

then we go inside to decorate the Christmas tree. Esme sends Edward into the kitchen to make popcorn for popcorn strings (to twine around the tree). 3 minutes later, a loud popping sound is heard and pieces of popcorn come flying out of the kitchen. Edward's screams are heard clearly. "OH MY GOSH! ESME! HELP!" he hurtles out of the kitchen at vampire speed, his arms wrapped over his head. Bella rushes to his rescue. "oh Edward! you're supposed to cover the pot!" so we have to spend half an hour retrieving popcorn from every nook and cranny in the kitchen.

in the end we are gathered around the tree. "Bella and Joy," she addresses us. "we insist that you open our gifts here. so we can see if you like them." Bella looks flustered, she has had much experience with Alice's antics before. before we can protest, Alice shoves packages into everyone's hands. "look! i got presents for everyone!"

looking nervous, Carlisle carefully peels the wrapping paper off his gift. its a large mug. "Alice....im a vampire...i don't drink anything...with the exception of blood." "oh but Carlisle! it has Homer Simpson on the front! Homer reminds me of you...in a weird way..." "thank you Alice."

Esme receives a cookbook. "now you can cook for Bella and Joy!"

Jasper gets a jar of Prego tomato sauce. "it looks just like blood. so if you feel an urge to take a snap out of Bella or Joy, you can just drink this!"

Edward gets a ukelele. "your piano songs are so emo. they make you want to slash. and ukeleles can only sound bright and happy. so i reckon you can't go wrong."

Emmett gets a large stuffed lion. "to practise tackling instead of crushing Joy and Bella. pick on someone your own size."

Rosalie gets a goldfish. "it has practically no blood so it's safe! and anyway having a pet is fun. humans think so."

the rest of the presents are more normal. a book from Carlisle, a blue jacket from Esme (so i can wear it to school), Hedwig's Anthem from Edward (i've always wanted to play that song!), a "Save the Trees" shirt from Rosalie, spike nails from Jasper and a bag of chips from Emmett.

later, for the first time in my life, i am allowed into the Cullen's rooms upstairs. Jasper lets me borrow his Harry Potter books because he has the set. Edward's room overlooks a dense forest (*author's note: again, doesn't sound like Singapore. just pretend, ok?). "oooooh! are there babirusas and pangolins in there?" im quite excited. sightings of those are rare.

Jasper laughs. annoying person. "hmm! why don't you see for yourself?" with that Bella and i are tossed onto Edward and Jasper's back respectively. the crazy vampires start climbing the tallest of the raintrees. once up in the tree, Emmett and Rosalie join us.

i look down and immediately regret it. "OH MY GOSH! Jasper! if i fall and have to miss training i will KILL YOU!" feeling giddy from the height i clutch the nearest branch. the irritating vampires laugh. "chillax Joy. if you fall, we're fast enough to catch you before you hit the ground!" even bella looks quite calm. oh right. Edward's brought her here before.

feeling a lot better, i start scanning the ground for signs of wildlife. after half an hour though, having seen only a few speckled lizards, i start to feel rather disappointed. Jasper brings me back down.

after Esme gives me a few of the cookies, it is decided that the lights on the house be turned on and then i will be sent home (its about 7pm by now!). Carlisle flicks on the light's switch.

numerous bangs and pops are issued as the lights flare up and shatter their glass casing. Carlisle turns on Emmett. "EMMETT! WHERE DID YOU PLUG IN THE LIGHTS?!" he roars. Edward whispers, "i think you better go. come on, i'll drive you."

with a last glance at Carlisle chasing Emmett and threatening to burn his Jeep ("NO CARLISLE! PLEASE NO!) i agree and walk towards the Volvo.

Part 13

the rest of the Alaska trip is uneventful. after my family arrive we tour the place a little and Dad and Josh fish. Ann and i try birdwatching but it got too cold and Emmett kept whispering to me, "did you know bluejays are delicious with mayonnaise?" and as an animal rights activist i have to punch him for that. our fights eventually scared off all the birds withing 5km radius. oh well, that'll kepp them safe from evil Emmett's insatiable hunger.

we have returned to singapore for about a week already. i am well over the jet lag!

today is about 5 days before Christmas. i am invited to help the Cullens decorate. i know they're only doing it to be polite. with their super-speed they can decorate in 10 minutes flat. still, maybe Esme made cookies. then i can have the whole plate because...muahahaha....VAMPIRES DON'T EAT!

anyway. at the Cullen's place, Emmett calls to me from the roof as i am entering the front door. "hey squirt! wanna decorate the roof with me?" i feel nervous. Emmett is dangling precariously on the rain pipe, trying to put up a string of fairy lights.

he lurches suddenly and topples over. i scream in horror. oh my gosh! Emmett! he lands with a loud (make that resounding) thump on his side. i rush over. "oh my gosh Emmett! are you dead? please be alive!" i attempt to turn his massive body over when i feel his shoulders shaking. what the hell. he's laughing!

he sit up and starts guffawing. "oh great galloping gumdrops! you should have heard your scream! i think every human withing a mile has had their ear drums shattered." dammit. i forgot vampires are practically indestructable. the fall from the roof must be like falling off his bed.

hearing my screams and Emmett's laugh, the Cullens have gathered around us. Esme shoots a withering glare at Emmett. "stop being mean to Joy, Emmett, or i shall confiscate your car keys." "aw Ma. don' be like that wan...."

"urgh your phony Ah Beng accent is revolting!" Alice interjects. she grabs my hand. "come on Joy. you can help make the cookies." my face lights up instantly. cookies, the magic word! seeing my abrupt mood swing, Esme hastens to add, "mind you, they won't be all for you to eat. we have other human guests that quite like cookies, you know." i don't mind. you know what they say: half a dozen cookies is better than none.

so Alice, Esme and i get busy in the kitchen. "okay Joy, beat these eggs," Alice instructs bossily. throughout the whole bake, Alice and Esme have not let me near anything sharp, like the cookie cutters or even the harmless butter knife. but i know why: they're scared i may cut myself and bleed.

anyway. the cookies are soon baked and lain on a tray to cool. Esme stays to wash up and Alice and i go to watch the rest of the preparations.

in the garden, Carlisle and Emmett are still setting up fairy lights ("EMMETT! do NOT plug the lights into your Jeep's batteries! they will explode!"). Edward and Jasper were pruning the bushes in to festive figures ("oh my gosh Edward! you've killed the plant! its totally bare!" "did NOT! im just pruning off a few extra leaves....") and Rosalie was building a snowman from styrofoam peanuts. Bella was standing helplessly on the porch (the Cullens deemed her too fragile for such strenuous activities).

THE END. i'll tell you what happens next tomorrow ;)

Part 12

*author's note: this is a very special but lame addition. i did it because i feel like it and thought maybe you people would like it. anyway. it takes place during the many long car rides.....

bored bored bored. im staring blankly out of the car window. i'd gotten bored in the first 3 minutes. because the landscape consists of white white white. BORRR-ING.

oooh i remember this really funny joke.....it goes like this......

*author's note: you may not get it if i didn't tell you on Monday during training but heck, i practically told the whole team.

Q: whats the difference between a gay and a teapot?
A: nothing much!

The Cullen's Reactions (see below)
Carlisle and Esme: *polite laughs*
Jasper: that is so lame.
Alice: HAHAHA! good one! okay i have this one, stop me if you've heard it before....
Edward: that is SO politically incorrect.
Emmett: haha...no seriously, whats the answer? WHAT?! that was the answer? what a retarded joke.......
Rosalie: rii-iii-ght. am i supposed to laugh?

after the enthusiatic (not) response to my hilarious joke, i feel inclined to tell another. (Meishuen told me this one)

there were once two sticky nian-gaos ("what is a nian gao!?" "this sticky cake thing we eat during Chinese New Year.") and they were stuck together. they didn't want to be stuck together so they pulled and pulled and finally, they were free! celebrations! they were so happy, in fact, that they gave each other a hug.

haha, geddit? a hug! and then got stuck together again.

this time half the vampires in the car don't bother to respond. the few responses received:

Jasper: oh man are ALL of your jokes this lame?!
Alice: a hug? thats not very fu......OH! i get it! HAHA!
Emmett: if you don't lay off the lame jokes imma crush every bone in your body.

in lieu of the last response, i decide to shut up.

THE END! wasn't that funny?

haha this was a relatively short and irrelevant post but im running out of ideas. suggestions are welcome.

Part 11

today is the big day! IM GOING TO THE INAUGURAL TRACK MEET! i can't wait. by 6.30am (its still very dark outside) i am dressed in the many layers of winter wear. i walk (more like waddle unsteadily) to Jasper's room. flinging the door open i yell, "lets GO! im ready!"

all the Cullens eye me with amazement. "doesn't your human body require 18 hours of undisturbed sleep before you can function properly the next day?" Edward asks.

i smirk. "well seeing as im well over the jet-lag i only require 8 hours now. and anyway, today is the most important day of my life! ever! hurry! lets go NOW!"

"woah hold up. you need breakfast. we don't want you passing out later on." Carlisle says calmly. i am practically throwing a tantrum by now. "NO! i...um...don't eat breakfast. its against my new anti-breakfast diet. and anyway do you know how embarrasing it is to eat when the rest of you sit there staring?"

but the Cullens would hear none of it. Emmett simply hoisted me up onto his shoulder (my screaming bloody murder and pounding of his back was, alas, in vain) and carried me down. a plate of toast and eggs was ordered and i was made to eat everything. once satisfied with the emptiness of my plate, Carlisle nodded and i sped off towards the car. i think for once i was faster than all those vampires.

it is a 2 hour long drive to the Stadium. i spend that time fingering the worn covers of the smelly car seats. every 5 minutes or so i whine ,"are we there yet?" after saying this 17 tiems, Rosalie threatens to chuck me out of the window so i have to shut up.

*a long long long long time later....
WE'RE HERE! AT LAST! oh my gosh the stadium is HUGE! Carlisle's giving this fat guy in a suit our tickets. YAY!

the stadium is huge inside too. i can take off my jackets now because its heated to 23 degrees C. 23? hmmm. i run over to the air con control and bring it up to 25. 25 uses a lot less energy. save the earth people!

we take our seats and the running starts. its the coolest thing ever, seeing all those people in different countries' jerseys. Jasper gets bored after the first race (he knows he can run wayyy faster than that Polish guy) so he and alice go get snacks. they return with hot dogs and coke and this butter-caramel-popcorn mix thing (doesn't taste so bad once you get used to the contrasting tastes).

finally! the thing i've been waiting for! USAIN BOLT runs the final 100m race! needless to say he wins (effortlessly!) but it is very fun to scream and cheer anyway!

now, the crowds have thinned out since most people have gone home. just for today, use of the facilities are free of charge. i immediately try handstands on the blue high jump mats. the Cullens laugh: they can walk on their hands effortlessly. Alice and Emmett try to teach me but i fall every time.

we start to leave once it gets dark. in the car i slump in my seat feeling quite exhausted. "this was the best day ever!" i murmur before i fall asleep.

THE END! hope you liked it!

Part 10

at the hotel, i share a room with Rosalie and Alice. a new member joins our room shortly after we have unpacked.

"OHMYGOSH BELLA! YOU ARE SO NOT HERE!" Alice shrieks so loud my ears hurt.

Bella smirks. wait...Bella? who is Bel...oh i remember. Edward's girlfriend.

Bella enters the room with Edward close behind. "hey Alice. oh hey are you Joy? Edward told me you'd be here." she pauses to throw a soppy, slavish look at Edward. my stomach churns. Edward returns the look and i nearly hurl in the hotel safe. "Bella was skiing with Charlie so i invited her here. apparently, Chief Swan doesn't enjoy all this snow. he's leaving tonight for Forks. Bella is staying with us."

Jasper knocks and enters. "hey. since there's some time till lunch, want to go sight-seeing?" Alice shrieks again. "SHOPPING! lets go!" she grabs her purse and herds us out of the hotel.

i cannot stand the cold. even with my horribly pink jacket, my lips are blue and im shivering. having never experienced temperatures below 17 degrees C (in Genting), Alaska's low temperatures are freezing to me.

Alice gives me a shocked look. "Joy your lips are blue! are you sick?" "N-n-no. its c-co-cold. i-im DYING." the Cullens are shocked by the abrupt colour change of my face (purplish-blue against a would-be-tan-but-blood-drained face)and hastily wrap me in their jackets. when their through with me, i resemble a large marshmallow on legs. but at least im warm.

"thank you! im warmer n.....OW!" i trip over Emmett's jacket, which trails past my ankles.

we continue to window shop till my feet hurt. the sun starts to set. "guys? im tired. when do we eat? can we eat now? and i think i'll pass on the Alaskan native cuisine. i want fish and chips!"

Bella backs me up. all of us trail into the nearest decent Fish and Chips shop. Bella and i eat and the Cullens stare.

then we go back to the hotel. i drop on the bed and fall asleep.

-*-*-

i blink my eyes open. a pair of brown eyes stare back. "boo."

i jump and scream. "oh my GOSH. JASPER! don't...don't DO that!" i am breathing hard but my heartbeat starts to decelerate (or according to Mr Lin the Physics teacher, RETARD in speed). Jasper laughs. "just seeing what Edward finds so amusing about humans sleeping. personally, i find it deathly boring. by the way, you snore." "liar. i know i do not. its called BREATHING." "whatever. hey get dressed. we're going skating today!"

im ecstatic. skating will keep me warm. i hurry to the bathroom to change and scoop my hair into a hasty ponytail.

Carlisle drives us to a secluded frozen pond. we alight the car and pull our skates on. mine are rented from the hotel shop. no matter. i test them on the ice and find them satisfactory. Esme pulls some hockey skates from the car boot and we split into teams for ice hockey. i am slightly nervous because i know i cannot be trusted with a stick. i am on the same team as Jasper, Alice and Rosalie. Carlisle and Esme are referees.

once the game starts, i know im doomed. the vampires are skating so fast, leaving me and Bella standing around looking stupid. suddenly, when im least expecting it, Rosalie whacks the puck towards me. "JOY! get it!" i spring to life and start hitting the puck towards what i hope is not my own goal.

just a bit more! im going to score a goal! i raise my stick ready to whack the puck home, when something whacks into me. i am bowled over by what feels like a slab of rock. i struggle to get up but i feel something slash my cheek.

as soon as i stop sliding on the ice, i put a shaking finger to my cheek. its wet and sticky. the Cullens have gathered around. "oh man! im sorry! i didn't mean it!" Emmett moans. seeing his blood-tinged skates, i figure it was his skate that cut me. Carlisle helps me up. "hmmm, doesn't look that deep. here, just put some antiseptic on that and you'll be ok," he reassures me soothingly. Jasper sniff the air, his eyes turning black. "Joy clean up your face a little faster please." he licks his lips. i see the rest of the Cullens (except for Bella and Carlisle) have black eyes as well (as sign of blood thirst) so i hastily clean my offending wound. i quickly rub the stinging ointment on my sore cheek. "sorry. im okay. lets just...not play hockey any more."

we spend the rest of the day skating. Alice tries to teach me to skate on one leg, resulting in many more bruises on my part. but at the end of the day, at least i can skate reasonably well one-legged!

THE END! for now! yippee!

Part 9

"okay Emmett! here's your question: whats the longest period of time you have gone without showering?"

Emmett squirms. "uhm....."

"spit it out Em!" i laugh ruthlessly.

"uhm....a week." i start laughing. the rest of the Cullens have turned around to join the game. they are smirking as well. "oh come on! admit showering is a waste of time! i saved like, an hour in that week! FINE! keep laughing. we'll see how loud YOU laugh, Joy, when its your turn."

"oh no Emmett! you can't question the person who asked you," Rosalie cuts in. "hey lets make this Truth or Truth, because its kinda hard to do Dares in a plane."

"WHAT?! darn. the Dares are the best fun. oh well. okay Jasper." Jasper stops grinning. "Jasper, what is the grossest thing you have found under your bed?" Jasper chews his lower lip. "i'll have to say it was this empty pizza crate from the year before. when i opened it up a horde of bugs scuttled out." i cringe. that is seriously gross.

"fine. my turn to ask!" Jasper turns to Edward. "Ed, whats your FAVOURITE Disney Princess character?" i howl with laughter. this is the best game EVER!

Edward is outraged. "WHAT?! i don't watch Disney! i'll just have to guess. ummm...there's a...a...Little Red Riding Hood right. okay. i pick her. no Red Riding Hood? dammit. Cinderella?! YES! i pick her. my turn to ask. Rose," he turns to Rosalie. "who would you rather date? SpongeBob or Jimmy Neutron?"

"if you don't watch Disney what makes you think i DO?!"

"because this isn't Disney. its Nickleodeon."

"UGH. fine. i pick SpongeBob. because he can regrow his arms and legs. and it looks funny. my turn! Joy! what is the most embarrasing event in your Track experience?"

this is obviously an attempt to embarrass me. i remain unfazed. "tripping over a hurdle and falling flat on my face. MY TURN! again? okay! ALICE! what is the craziest thing you bought while shopping?"

"OOOOOH! i remember! it was this contraption supposed to make striped paint! needless to say, i wasted a good 50 bucks...."

Alice continued to chatter but i could feel my eyelids getting heavier. it was probably near 10.30pm in Singapore. i yawned. then i fell asleep.

*much much later....

"JOY WAKE UP! WE'RE HERE!"

i push at the strong hands gripping my arm. "sssh...okay okay im getting up!" i rub the sleep out of my eyes. "oooh are we in Alaska yet?" "yeah. you slept what, 18 hours? get up. we're gonna drive to the hotel first. oh and you may want to get out a jacket...."

i hastily pull my blue sweater out of my bag. still half asleep, i walk (zombie style!) out of the plane, guided by gentle nudges from Esme. once we pass customs (not without Emmett continuosly poking fun at my passport picture!), Carlisle and Esme go to get the rented car. the rest of us are allowed to explore the carpark.

stepping out of the airport, i blast of wind hits me like a knife to my cheek. i gasp. Alice hands me the winter jacket and i convulse in horror. "ALICE! how could you get me a PINK jacket!" "oh lighten up its not THAT bad." its too cold to argue anymore so i scowl and put it on.

Carlisle pulls up in the car. Edward and Rosalie groan loudly. "Carlisle! thats a slow car! look, it only reaches 180kmph!" whines Rosalie. a look from Esme makes her shut up and climb in the back. luck is not with me as i end up squashed between five stone-cold vamps. "all okay?" Carlisle asks. i bite back a retort. "great! lets start!" the car coughs and wheezes to life and we start the hour long drive to the hotel.

THE END! for now! this is gonna be FUN!

Part 8

we spend an hour working our way through the algebraic terms. i finally give in and offer Jasper a bowl of Haagen Daaz. "mind you, you won't get ice cream everytime you come here." "thats fine by me."

the next half hour is decicated to trying to get Jasper (the dog) to befriend Jasper (the vamp). for this, pieces of Beggin' Strips (foul pieces of artificial meat that my dog enjoys) ae tossed to Jasper to distract him as my bloodless friend tries to stroke him. after a while, Jasper is stuffed with treats. he is now mildy more tolerant towards Jasper (the vamp).

"gosh im sleepy. you should go home. mom and dad'll be home, so i won't be alone."

"well if you're sure. see you later."

and then he disappears.

dumb vampire.

-- End of one episode but i want to make the next episode in the same post please --

"okaye Jess, see you at next training!" i wave after Jess. man that was one good training. i reflect happily on the PB i ran.

WHAM. i feel myself slam into something rock hard. i crumple to the ground, ready to hurl abuse at the cause of my fall. "damn you why don't you...oh, hello Jasper." i rub my butt as he helps me up.

"my gosh you take forever to come out of your school i've been waiting here for ages. what do you do, wave and say goodbye to every person present before you depart the spec stand?" he sniffs the air. "you stink, you know." he adds as an afterthought.

"why THANK YOU! so. did you come all the way just to tell me i stink, or is there a more pressing issue to be discussed?" i retort.

"okay you are not going to believe this. USAIN BOLT IS BUILDING A SPORTS STADIUM IN ALASKA! its the ultimate stadium. 400m track, jump pits, the works! and the best part! Carlisle got us all tickets to go to its inaugural track meet!"

i lose it. "OHMYGOSHYOUGOTTICKETS?! this rocks! i can go too? great! when?"

"its in a couple of days. we got our flight booked for tomorrow so you better get packing today."

reality sets in. "wait...Alaska? isn't it like, cold there? like, snow?" he grins. "brilliant deduction Joy. yes, it does snow in Alaska. but don't worry. Alice forsaw this problem. she has winter clothes for you."

"okay! quick, i need to go home NOW. i need to ask mom if i can go!"

*the next day.....
mom was perfect. she didn't trust me in a different continent so she decided the whole family could use a vacation. however, she couldn't get tickets and hotels so my family would arrive in Alaska in about four days time. she decided Mr and Mrs Cullen were capable of being responsible for my safety for 4 days. im elated. Rosalie helped me pack ("Joy you cannot just have chips and track shoes in your suitcase. you need clothes!"). now im at the airport.

"okay sweetheart, see you in a week. have fun!" mom and dad hug me. thankfully, there is minimal fuss.

we board the plane. Carlisle takes charge. "Joy, you get the window seat..." ALL RIGHT! "Jasper, to her right. Alice, the seat beside Jasper, so you can get up and walk around if you want. Emmett, Rose and Edward, these seats behind them. Esme and i couldn't get seats here, we'll be on sitting in that row. questions? no? excellent."

we quickly settle into our seats. the plane takes off and im thrown back into my seat. the moment the seatbelt light is turned off, Alice springs out of her seat and saunters along the aisle. that girl is so hyper. she was jiggling in her seat throughout take off. the flight will take hours, but i am prepared! i pull a story book out of my backpack and start to read.

i've read about 3 words when i feel someone kick the back of my seat. i flick around. "Emmett! don't kick!" "gee sorry. im bored." "lucky for you i was prepared for this as well. here, educate yourself." i thrust another book in his hand: Thermodynamics.

"aww Joy! i've learnt Thermodynamics every year for nearly 90 years. ooh is that Harry Potter? i'll swap you!"

"no. just read Emmett." i turn back around. instantly i feel another kick to my seat. "EMMETT! what NOW?" i roar. "i have an idea! lets play a GAME!" "FINE. as long as you quit kicking. what game?" "truth or dare." "what a retarded game. but fine. just to humour you. i'll start."

"okay Emmett. truth or dare?"

"hmmm...truth."

think Joy think! wait! thats IT!

CLIFFHANGER! THE END! for now.....suggestions for the truth question perhaps?

Part 7

* author's note: i shall not elaborate as to what we discussed in Orchard Road as my many nonsensical questions ("do you have to file down your fangs? like rabbits and wild mustang?") will bore you to death. any queries can be directed to my cbox.

okay! so now i know my friend and his family are vampires. oh well. its fun except i can't race them any more. Emmett just leaves me in the dust while the rest let me win. unfair! but other than that im okay with their blood-sucking status.

*a while later at my house....chaos reigns!

"NO! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?! HOW CAN YOU EXILE YOUR OWN DAUGHTER?"

"for heaven's sake Joy! we're only going out for dinner at the hawker centre down the road! we'll "da-bao" something back for you! and what rubbish we're not exiling you!"

"you ARE exiling me. exiling me to the wasteland of Algebra! fine! go then! leave me to rot. you'll regret this when i rule the world."

"bye Joy"

there. my own parents have banished me to the land of Algebra while they chow down on Hokkien Mee. they'll probably be gone a couple of hours because they have to watch my siblings Taekwondo Grading. i guess i should have seen this coming (being left alone). it was so not a good idea to leave my Maths Tuition Homework till the day before tuition.

i stare at the numbers. the more i look at them, the more the terms start toook like chicken scratches. i quickly shake my head. i must not get distracted even before i begin.

10 minutes of work makes me realise this is futile. why would anyone CARE what the square of 4a-6b is?! i lay my head on the table and moaned. then the phone rang. my eyes were still blurred from being pressed against the edge of the table, so when i stumbled out of the room i whacked into the door frame. "!#*?!" i hollered. wincing in pain, i picked up the phone.

"HELLO?!" i snarled, rubbing my swelling forehead.

"J-joy? uhm....are you okaye?" Jasper. of course. he can read emotions.

"oh i am SWELL! my parents abandoned me. im stuck at home with FACTORISATION. i split my skull on the door frame. im having a blast."

"okay. good to know." drat sarcasm flows off him like water on a duck's back. "so....factorisation. need help?"

"what if i say no? Jasper Cullen i know you know that i have a tub of Haagen Daz ice cream and you're just looking for an excuse to have some."

"well if you said No, you don't need help i will know that you are lying. i'll be over in a while"

CLICK. drat he hung up on me! i slammed the phone back into the cradle. then the gate rattled (thats what it does when people try to open it) and Jasper (the dog) started barking like a rabid dog.

i rushed to the window and started laughing. Jasper (the vamp) stood a few feet away from the gate looking shocked, Jasper (the dog) was growling and pawing at the gate. "hello Jasper! i see you've met my dog, Jasper! come in..." i held Jasper by the collar while Jasper (the vamp) raced towards the open door.

"haha! you got here fast! oh don't tell me i know you ran here. you suck, always showing off how fats you are. great now that you're here, the factorisation's ready. lets start so i can be done quicker."

THE END! in the next episode...."Factorisation SUCKS!"

Part 6

*at Jasper's house beause it is obviously December Holidays

we, or more i, am cracking my brains over algebra. dammit i can't even do simple Sec1 sums. i am very frustrated and claw at my hair. "GARRRGH! i give up. i am sure this answer is WRONG. check it and tell me what i did wrong this time." i thrust my paper at him and let my head fall to the table with a thump.

"you forgot to change the sign. its a minus here."

"this sucks. i never get it right. but i can kick your butt at Physics." i regret that the minute i say it. its like the song jessica was singing. "everything Joy can do, Jasper does better."

the war of the free falling objects (i.e. flying paper balls) ensues.

"enough!" i holler when he is poised above me with a sharpie marker, threatening to draw on my face. "i surrender under violence but i protest!" i attempt to push him off. i realise how strong he is. seriously. weights can only do so much. "off. get off," i command and continue shoving his arms. its like hitting a rock wall. i squirm out of the Death Hold.

"Jasper why are you so freaking strong? its scary," i joke, poking his rock hard arms in fascination. his face darkens and for a moment im scared. "i didn't mean it! im sorry sorry sorry. its not freaky okay? or scary." he laughs. "i wasn't offended. its just...you really want to know why im so strong?"

"yeah! ooooh! don't tell me! you take..." i lower my voice to a whisper. "you don't take streoids do you?"

Jasper looks taken aback. "no! no its not steroids."

"tell me. i won't laugh. promise. scouts honour." this way im allowed to laugh, because im not a scout.

"you really want to know?"

"yep."

"truly?"

"spit it out Jasper."

"okay *takes a deeeeeeep breath* im a vampire."

i stare at Jasper. i can feel my mouth curving into a perfect O. Jasper looks nervous. "if this makes you want to stop being around me i am totally okay with that!" he reassures me. "NO! its not that. its just....thats why you're so strong! you...you...." i gulp and try to compose myself. "you...cheated! thats why you always run faster than me! this is so unfair!"

Jasper laughs out loud. "Joy you've just found out you're spending time with a blood-sucking vampire and all you care about is that you got beaten?" i am livid. "you cheated! i will never speak to you again!" i spin around and turn my back to him.

a second later i regret saying the last sentence. i turn back around. jasper hasn't moved an inch, he probably knew i would speak to him within 5 seconds. "so. uhm...im curious. if you went for Olympics, would they like, disqualify you for not having a heartbeat? and are the rest of the Cullens vamps too? and i notice you haven't drained me of my blood, how come? and..." i realised i was talking too much so i kept quiet and let him answer my questions.

"gosh too many questions. okay, seeing as my not needing to breathe is a big advantage, yeah i would be disqualified. and yes the Cullens are all vamps. and just imagine if your bloodless body was recovered how would that be? look i can see you're bursting with curiosity." he raised his eyebrow. i was jiggling in my seat waiting for him to finish speaking so i could ask some more questions. "so why don't we go to Orchard Road and admire the decorations and then you can keep asking?"

"the decorations this Christmas suck. its because of the economic downturn. wow that sounds fancy. economic downturn. but the asking part sounds good! lets go!" i sprint off to call Emmett to drive us.

THE END! till next time!

Part 5

hearing Alice's call Emmett and i hurry to pack up the controllers. i am anxious to impress Dr and Mrs Cullen. i hastily smooth down my hair and run my tongue over my teeth.

i am introduced to the Doctor and his wife. the introductions are made and we sit down to a mismatched dinner of beehoon and Carls Jr french fries. i am very polite. "uncle eat, aunty eat." they both help themselves to some fries. feeling famished, i pile fries and beehoon onto my plate and start devouring the mountain of food. when the food starts to lessen i glance up and realise all of the Cullen's plates are still full, none of them have touched their food. instead they are watching me intently, as if i am a new animal in the Zoo.

well this is awkward, i think, feeling uncomfortable. then shock horror! i realise the fries are all gone. i eye jasper's full plate of fries. "uhm...you're not eating those, are you?" i ask. when he shakes his head no i grab a handful. i cannot resist fries.

after dinner i clear my plate and Edward offers to drive me home. i wave bye to the Cullens and thanks them for their hospitality (aren't i polite?).

the moment im safely in the car, Edward starts the car. the engine roars to life and we start sppeding down the highway. i gasp as i am thrown back into my seat. i glance over Edward's shoulder at the speedometer. we're going at 120kmph. i am terrified. "Edward, im in er...no rush. can we go slower?" he turns full around and grin, suprised at my fear. "don't worry. the car won't crash." OMG he read my thoughts. wait he's facing me, that can't be right.... "EDWARD WATCH THE ROAD!" i scream. he laughs a whips around. i hastily fasten my seat belt, something i never do when im in the back seat.

once we're outside my home i stumble out of the Volvo on unsteady feet. thanking him for the ride, i slam the door and run to the toilet before i puke on my shoes.


2 months later

from that day on Jasper and i are good friends. but i don't see him at school because FYI, genius, St Nicks is all girls. but he takes Arabic at MOELC so i meet him there. and during the holidays in between training i visit him to mess with the high jump mats.

THE END...COS I HAVE TO GET OFF THE COMPUTER NOW.

Part 4

"on your mark," Jasper calls out once we've set up the blocks.

"wait, isn't it Ke Garisan?" i ask, eager to delay to race.

"fine. shut up. Ke garisan, Sediyah...GO!"

(author's note: im pretty sure about the malay spelling. remember, i do take malay.)

i don't have time to think. i do the same thing i do every time we do timing. my brain shuts down and i focus on the steady rythym of my heartbeat and my feet hitting the track. im getting tired but i will my legs to move faster and accelerate. just before the 100m mark, i gulp air and lower my head (author's note: the last part sounds stupid but its what miss natasha makes us do: "Lean body").

its over. i stumble a few feet before i sit down on the track and collapse. right now, i don't care that sitting down will give me (according to my seniors) a "big butt", i just want to rest. a few minutes later im feeling noticeably better. when im sure sitting up will not induce me to vomit i ease myself into a sitting position.

Jasper is viewing me with his familiar amused stare. "who won?" i ask tentatively. his answer shocks me. "you did! i got Emmett to watch so we could see the winner. she won right?" he turns to his brother whom i did not notice standing there before. Emmett nods the afirmative and grins at me.

im shocked for a minute but then i regain my composure and usual cocky attitude. "of course i won! its because i rock." i remember my manners and offer Emmett my hand. "nice to meet you, im Joy." Emmett grins wider and for a moment i feel slightly uneasy. being a measly 1.57cm, his size (easily 1.8 or 9) and the white-ness of his teeth intimidated me and i thought vaguely of a kitten being confronted by a Great Dane.

"hello! im Emmett!" he grabs my hand and grips it. i suppose it was meant to be a firm grip but the sudden pain makes me gasp. "OW! sssss!" i hiss rubbing my reddened fingers. Emmett looks taken aback. "sorry! i didn't mean it!" i shake my head and hurry to reassure him. "its okay," i try to smile, still rubbing my right hand vigorously. i remember im still in my sweat-drenched t shirt. "i stink," i say bluntly. "need a shower. can we go?" so we head back to the house.

after the shower i smell distinctly better. i rummage through my purse to find a comb to tame my hair. it is then i realise im broke. and mom is working till later this evening. sh**.

"Jasper? Emmett?" they are sprawled on the couch, playing Halo(author's note: i think halo is one lame game, but thats beside the point. sorry). "im broke and my mo,'s working. could i wait here...?" i leave my sentence unfinished. "sure," jasper reassures me. "stay for dinner and we'll send you home later. then you won't have to face an empty house." im suprised he knows about my hate for going home to an empty house, but again i remember my manners: Do Not Impose Ma Fan-ness (as in the chinese ma fan)On Your Hosts. "oh no please don't trouble yourselves. my mom can pick me up later." "its no trouble," jasper insists, so what can i say?

"i don't like Halo. its lame. do you have Rayman Raving Rabids?" (for those who haven't played the game, it should be Raving Rabbits. the game mainly involves shooting bunnies with toilet plungers, dancing with bunnies and milking pigs. its super funny!). i keep whining till they give up and put Rabids on. a third controller is brought out so i can play.

we play till a two girls (a blonde and another dark haired girl) and a boy enter. i pause the game and introductions are made. they are Rosalie, Alice and Edward. when i return to the Game Emmett has un-paused it and shot all my Rabids. i yell, "EMMETT! you will DIE for that!" and then i kick his butt in "Bunnies Can't Dance".

just as im we're arguing about whether Rabids are actually mutated amphibians, Alice calls, "Joy! Emmett! dinner!"

THE END

i'll continue Dinner With The Cullens in the next episode! till then!

Part 2

*we last left off at acceleration. which sucks if you do it too fast or slow. sorry. random comment.

Coach says we're doing fartlek, half minute full sprint. im not a big fan of fartlek but i DO know Jasper won't be able to keep up with me. "this guy is toast" i whisper to Jess. she is leading today. jess grins.

we take our places. just before the whistle blows, i throw Jasper a malicious grin. like i said, he is toast. 30 seconds is just long enough for me. we set off at a comfortable speed, intending to gain speed later on.

im shocked when he keeps up the whole 300m. in the next half minute, i go all out and try to over take him. we end up running neck to neck, each trying to out-run the other. at the end of the 30 seconds, i am exhausted, bending over and gasping for breath. he, on the other hand, is not even out of breath. he looks at me with mingled amusement and pity. "um...do you want to stop now?" he asks trying to keep from laughing. incensed, i throw him a look that can wither cornstalks. "lets just keep going okay?" i spit out, still trying to catch my breath. he shrugs just as the whistle blows.

"omg joy you look awful," comments Jess when we're in the toilet after training. i glance in the mirror and grimace. this was by far the worst training of my life. i say this to Jess and she tells me to shut up because i say that every friday.

Jess's handphone beeps. "Whoops! my mom's outside, i gotta go!" we wave goodbye and she sprints out the gates. that girl has too much energy. i hurry to pack my stuff in the spec stand. if i hurry i'll have time to buy Ribena or Ice Lemon Tea from the canteen before i walk home.

but it was not to be. when i turn around to run to the canteen i was face to face with Jasper Cullen. "you! go 'way," i snapped childishly. resentment burned in me after fartlek. he seemed amused. "its not funny!" i snapped. "you're dead next training. i demand a rematch." he finally laughed. "a rematch huh? okaye you're on. tomorrow at my house. we have a track. unless...you're not up for it...?" the hint of a challenge did the trick. "are you kidding? bring it on! tomorrow it is!" i stalked off in a huff, but deep down i wondered if i'd regret my decision.

THE END...TILL I COME UP WITH MORE RUBBISH TO WRITE ^^

Part 3

i don't know how to get to the Cullen's house so i decide to take a taxi. "Uncle, you know how to go to the Cullen's house?" i ask in shaky Chinese, showing him my phone screen (no, i am not showing off my phone. Jasper sms-ed me his address the day before). Uncle nodded and started the cab.

40 minutes of erratic driving, much jerking in my passenger seat and the strong smell of the taxi's leather seats leaves me feeling dangerously queasy. i pay the fare quickly and stumble out of the cab. after a minute i start to feel less sick and can better survey my surroundings.

im surrounded by immaculately kept carpet grass, trees and shrubs. further up a winding path is the Cullens' three-storey bungalow. there are no other houses within one kilometre.(author's note: i know, it doesn't sound like we're in Singapore but lets just pretend okaye? imagination gives you wings!)

i gulp and feel nervous. agreeing to compete in unfamiliar surroundings was not a good idea. before i can turn around to flag the next cab that comes by, Jasper is beside me. "YOU!" i cry out in shock. he sniggers. "have you noticed that every greeting you have directed at me is the same?" he proceeds to imitate my voice. "YOU! can't you say hi like a normal person?" he is laughing now.

still feeling unerved by his sudden appearance, i scowl. "so...where is your track? or were you bluffing...?" i ask, looking around for the track. "why would i bluff? its over behind the house. but why don't you come into the house? prepare yourself for a humiliating defeat." before i can object or retaliate with a sarcastic comeback, he grabs my elbow and leads me towards the house. i don't like being led around like an animal but he is very strong so i admit temporary defeat.

the house has marble floors and simple but classy furniture. its surprisingly cool, a welcome relief after the sweltering heat outside. i sink into a leather couch with a sigh. "wah...shiok man...." i sigh contentedly. Jasper offers me cold water which i accept.

i remember what we're here for. "i want to see the track now. now now now," i demand. he shrugs. and we head toward the teack. its not a fancy track, 400m with 4 lanes (im disappointed. the school track has 8 lanes)(i counted) and high jump mats, the blue kind.

brainwave! i grin maliciously. "change of plans!" i announce with a flourish. "i challenge you to the Ultimate Handstand!" standing beside him i started to quaver in my self-assurance. i suddenly didn't want to race him.

Jasper laughs in an irritating manner. "oh no. we can't call off the race now!" again he grabs me in a vice-like (almost) grip. panic kicks in and i start to struggle. "no! i changed my mind! let go!" he laughs again. "shut up. set up your starting block." i gulp. this is the worst day of my life, i think fervently.

ta daaa. took forever. THE END! FOR NOW.....

Part 1

*author's (ME!) note: this fan fic is based on my sprinting experience(whatever little i have) and my aspirations. some of the characters are based on characters for Twilight (the Cullens) and real life but i have altered them a little. so i don't get sued. anybody who critisises this fic can go to he**. i mean it. queries on the cbox please.

by the way, brief snippets are also in my other earlier posts, When Joy Met the Cullens.

*at the sports meet*
i was at the annual Sports Meet. having just cleaned out the prizes in short sprints, i was sitting in the call room sipping Gatorade. it tasted foul so i was just putting it to my lips and pretending to drink because it would look cool.

and thats when i saw him. he soared effortlessly over the 80m hurdles when surreal grace and perfect technique. he streaked past all the other competitors, coming in first.

"Cullen, Jasper. 12.54s" the loudspeaker announced. siao, i muttered. even my best friend Jess (*author's note: im sorry Jessica! i couldn't resist!) couldn't beat that. and believe me, there wasn't a lot she couldn't beat. but this guy could have had a fluke, so i didn't think much of it.

*the next training (present day)*
warm ups are very boring, so i busy my mind with angle calculations. "okay, today we have new sprinter." i hear Coach's (the coach is foreign like miss natasha too) voice behind me so i spin around. when i did i see a strikingly familiar person beside her. "YOU!" a cry escapes my lips. its that Cullen boy. i shut up and finish the launches.

the thing i dread most during acceleration happens. "Joy" Coach calls from the top of the spec stand. "you and zis...." she struggles to remember his name. "zis...new sprinter. run together."

i shoot Jess an apologetic glance. we always do acceleration together. as i pair up with Jasper i feel suddenly embarrassed. im wearing my worn down pink spikes, he his branded spikes.

we pair up and i explain. "acceleration" i repeat what i was told on my first training. "is meant to be striding which gets faster."

starting, i start slow, feeling sure i would overtake him in the later part of the 100m as i accelerated. but as my speed quickens so does his. he keeps up with me till the end.

i am out of breath now, having used most of my energy trying to out-run him. i curse. i'll be tired for the rest of the training. Jasper grins at me and i snarl. never mind, i'll beat him later.

*THE END....FOR NOW....*

the tense isn't so good and the story line is kinda uninteresting. oh well.