Pocahontas's Happily Ever After

*note: okay im writing this one entirely without inspiration so please forgive me if it isn't as good as the last.

“Pocahontas? Is everything alright in there? The neighbours are worried about the smoke coming from your window. Open up please,” called John Smith through the keyhole of Pocahontas’s room door. He prayed that Pocahontas had not set the leopard-skin rug alight again (“It would have attacked me! I killed it for you!”).

After a pause (further prolonged by John’s anxiety for the room’s furnishings) Pocahontas flung open the door wildly. Wearing nothing but a tunic which appeared to be made from the leather couch and a bizarre headdress, she glared at him. “Sacrilege! Who dares interrupt the Great New Moon Ceremony!?”

“Okay okay, I’ll leave you alone once I make sure everything’s alright,” John assured her soothingly. Bracing himself, he stepped forward to assess the damage. And immediately wished he hadn’t.

Most of the furniture had been stacked hap-hazardly at the side of the room. Rugs and bedspreads had been ripped up and fashioned into a multi-coloured wigwam by the window. In the centre of the room blazed a great bonfire, which would explain the black smoke billowing out the window.

“Oh, my gosh. That is so going to leave a mark. Pocahontas how many times to I have to tell you: BE NICE TO THE FURNITURE. And….OH NO IS THAT THE DRESSER BURNING?” he cried, gaping at a charred lump of wood blazing away merrily. He lunged forward to salvage what was left of the dresser just as it collapsed into ashes.

“Stop! Touch not the sacred fire!” Pocahontas bellowed. John turned on her, ready to have a seizure. He was rendered momentarily speechless by her outlandish attire.

“Pocahontas, what is that face paint made of?”

“Bugs. As is traditional.”

“Okay… and….” Scrutinizing her headdress for the first time John’s mouth curved into a perfect “O”. “Is…is your headdress made out of our FEATHER DUSTER?”

“It is customary to don an eagle-feather headdress during such ceremonies.”

John decided not to tell her the duster had been bought cheap in the market and was probably made from chicken feathers. Pocahontas cradled Meeko (her pet raccoon, who had grown uncommonly fat since their arrival in London) in one hand and gripped a large pipe in the other, occasionally taking a drag from it.

John’s left eyelid twitched at the sight of Pocahontas exhaling the pungent, pink smoke. “POCAHONTAS! Smoking is NOT tolerated in this house! *cough cough*” here he gagged slightly on the smoke.

Then something snapped in John Smith. Eyes bulging, he screamed manically, “THAT’S IT! I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! You and your blazing rugs and wacko headdresses be damned! I’m going to the pub for a drink!” With that he stormed off to The Greasy Gun where he would share his troubles with the other maritally-vexed men.

Smirking slightly, Pocahontas went into the living room and picked up the phone. She calmly punched in Belle’s number. “Belle? Hey…yeah the party’s still on…have you told the other girls?....yeah, my place…. bring Beast’s stunt double, that guy is HOT!....” Pocahontas picked her nails as Belle gave a rather worried query on the other end. Pocahontas gave a smirk. “John? Oh, he won’t be home tonight!...okay then, see you!” with that she hung up the phone and put on a halter-neck mini dress which appeared to be made from a scorched leopard-skin rug.